The Point

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  I'm positive that every trial we face has a lesson to be learned.  And I know that every person who enters our life is there for a purpose.

Six months ago someone entered my life and changed me for the better.  However, it wasn't until two days ago that I realized why he was there. 

I had just left a dysfunctional, three and a half year relationship when he appeared.  I originally thought this man was just here to take my mind off my pain, to boost my confidence, to be my rebound, if you will.  But then he never left.  I started to develop real feelings for him and I enjoyed every second that we were together.  I wanted him to be mine.  However, he insisted that we would never be serious, never more than a fling.

Not only was I devastated by his response, but I was confused.  Why would God give me these feelings if they weren't going to be reciprocated? Why would He set me up to be hurt again, so soon after my last failed relationship?  I asked for an answer; I asked of God daily.  And daily He responded, "Be patient my child.  Be patient."

I took the Lord's answer to mean that in time, my new love would learn to love me as well.  So patient I was.  I went back to savoring every second we spent together, to getting lost in his touch.  I let myself fall. I let myself love. 

In time, I saw his feelings for me change.  He began to look at me sweeter, to speak to me softer, to touch me more tenderly.  I believed in my heart that he was beginning to love me.  I again wanted him to be mine and this time was sure he would be.  But much to my disappointment, he put me off again.  I held nothing against him, as he had been honest from the beginning.  But God, however, had told me to be patient.  And my patience seemed to have gotten me no where.  So I asked of my Lord again, "Why is this man here? What purpose does he serve in my life, besides breaking my heart?"  And once again, the Lord told me to be patient, to wait and see.

Again, I put my trust in God's plan, I let myself fall deeper in love with someone who swore never to love me back.  I got lost in his eyes. I hung on his every word. I was convinced that the Lord wouldn't lead me down a road of loss. 

Finally, I asked of this man one last time- not for his immediate love, but only for hope. Once again I was burned, turned away, shot down.  I was so confident that the Lord had a plan for us that I was in utter disbelief.  I hurt. I cried.  And then, after the last tear had fallen, I was angry.  Irate. 

I asked for the last time of the Lord, "What was the point?" 

And this time, the Lord asked a question of me.  "My child, what did you learn?"

After reflecting on this question for a few days, I realized that I was so focused on the outcome, on a goal, that I didn't notice the lessons I was learning on my journey.

First off, I strengthened my relationship with God.  I learned to listen to Him and to trust in His plans, regardless of how hopeless a situation seems. 

I learned that what I want is out there.  I no longer need to settle, to compromise, because someone exists who is exactly who I want, who I need, and who I am supposed to be with.

I learned that my small child still lives.  She used to run the show.  I used to love to play, to sing, to dance, and to have fun, but somehow, that part of me got lost, suffocated.  The 5 year old me has returned and is here to stay.

And my most important lesson was that even with all the pain and loss I felt six months ago, I was still able to love.  Maybe my love wasn’t reciprocated, but I learned, by being patient and letting my love grow, that despite all hurt and all trials, I will always be able to love. 

And that was the point.